Passing Days

The house is a mess. I’m behind on laundry and cleaning. I haven’t written anything all week beside Facebook and Twitter posts. And I’m one whole year older.

Sigh.

I’m officially in my thirties. Many people would say this is still young. Many people would agree this is old. Even more people would tell me to get over it. But for the girl who looks in the mirror and still sees an eighteen year old high school graduate, I seem ancient. It doesn’t seem possible to be in my thirties. Where did the years go?

Then I really stop to consider time. I have a one and a half year old son. I’ve been married to my husband for two years. I’ve known him for almost four years. I’ve lived in this house for six years. I’ve already had my ten year high school reunion. I’ve been working on several books for nine and ten years.

I don’t think I’ve wasted my time here on earth by any means. I’ve been a busy girl, ever since I was young. I always had plans, checklists, to do lists, and goals. And that hasn’t changed. They just increase in length and change based on my interests. But the older you get, the more you realize what it is that you want to accomplish in life.

I don’t get to just focus on my life and my goals anymore. It’s family goals, future, and checklists. Will we have any more kids? Will we stay in this house? Where would we move? What home school program do we want to use? Will we continue to run our online businesses to support our family? No decision is a small decision anymore. Even the smallest choices like whether to eat soup or make tacos for dinner holds severe consequences, like whether or not my son will eat it and if not, what are we going to feed him? I swear the child could live on green beans and grapes, and fruit snacks. Of course. Fruit snacks.

Sure, I still have my own goals. Personal goals for fitness and weight loss. Writing goals – I still plan to publish Hollow Towns and Dakota before the end of the year. Household goals such as cleaning, organizing, and remodeling. And then there’s Christmas. I have to plan for Christmas cards, Holiday traditions, Family gatherings, etc. And we usually give homemade gifts, so those take some planning and advance preparation. It’s never ending.

Personal reading time and time spent on fun hobbies such as crafts, etc has gone out the window. And I love being creative. I enjoy pulling out my box of various crafty things and putting something together out of nothing. But there’s no time for it and it doesn’t help the family in an way, so it’s rare that I allow myself to do this. But I do take my son to craft stores some days. It’s nice and quiet and we can just stroll through and waste time.

Someday it will all even out and I’ll find myself with too much time. But I’m not ready for that yet. I don’t want my son to grow up too quickly. I want to enjoy all the time I have. When we take it for granted, it tends to slip quickly through our hands.

Speaking of time, will someone please tell my son that an hour nap is not long enough? Time to move on to the next item on my to do list.